Monday, February 7, 2011

Things that work

I'm apparently not one of them. At least on the blog/writing front. Too much, too soon. Or something like that. I expect things to be the ideal and when they aren't... the whole world falls apart. At least that's how it seems. I still have all these hopes, dreams, and goals floating around in my head, but other things keep crowding them out. I'm not making them a priority, like I used to. And it all sits there in some kind of chaotic whirlwind of neglect and entropy.

It doesn't help that I read other blogs--the people I used to follow before my break--and feel left behind. Many of them started out at the same time and place that I did. Now they have followers, and agents, and book deals. Okay. Not all of them. But a lot of them. And it feels like I'm not really a writer after all. Like I don't have what it takes because I'm not making any headway, or even any time right now to really be serious about it.

It's hard to feel like I'm getting anywhere at all when the few 100 words I'm able to type at all are done one-handed while holding a two-month old and supervising two young children. It's hard not to feel like something of a failure when I can't even keep my house clean, let alone do anything for fun or for myself. And it's really hard to not feel bad about feeling bad.

Sorry for the downer, friends. It's been one of those weeks. I promise to be back to myself soon.


Nisa said...

Kayeleen!!! You have an infant and two children! You are a mom and nothing's more important than that! But if that weren't enough, you write. Gosh, I envy your hundred words a day because there are months I go without writing anything! Cheer up, hon! You are not a failure! You have your priorities straight (and house work isn't it!) and that's awesome. Keep writing those 100 words and as your kids grow so will the words. *hugs*

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Kayleen, Nisa is absolutely right. hang in there and keep trudging through those words. There are weeks I don't write a single word. The words will come when the time is right, friend. Keep the faith! (And I still don't have an agent or a book deal--I'm right here with you! LOL.) :-)